The Best of You

I really like this song, It tells a lot of how we can understand a persons view and also be bitter at the same time for the choices they make. While the emotions may conflict they coexist in what ends up being a chaos of abstract harmonies......

I've got another confession to make
I'm your fool
Everyone's got their chains to break
Holdin' you
Were you born to resist, or be abused?

Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?
Or are you gone and onto someone new?

I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn't have
But had no use

I was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again
But I'll break loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can't choose

I swear I'll never give in
I refuse
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith?
It's real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must confess
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith?
It's real, the pain you feel
The life, the love
You'd die to heal
The hope that starts
The broken hearts
You trust, you must confess

Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?

I've got another confession my friend
I'm no fool
I'm getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new

Were you born to resist, or be abused?
I swear I'll never give in, I refuse
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith?
It's real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must confess
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?

Baby did a bad bad thing

I've been giving her chance after chance to tell me the truth, to finally admit she wants to see other people. Deny deny deny.... She's scared, doesn't want to loose me but that's just the consequences that factor in to making those decisions. It's part of being an adult, you can't just make selfish choices because you want what you want when you want it, but then want to go back to everything the way it was. Sorry, but life just doesn't work that way.....

I've asked the same questions over and over, questions I already know the answer to.... not because I've assumed it or because he said she said, but because I've seen it in her own words to other people. Just remember every time you text someone you're relying on them deleting their inbox at some point to keep your secret secret.... a lot of people I know have phones that can hold thousands of messages, and break it into conversations so you can easily access the correspondence between them and one specific person.

I know it's not honorable of me to have picked up her phone and read the messages because I wanted proof I was being lied to... but it was the only way I knew how to get the answers I needed without putting my friend in the position of having to tell her truth for her and burn a bridge. And I wasn't getting anywhere with her, just more snow white pilings of one lie on top the next.

She's not a bad person... she just makes very poor impulse driven decisions that end up costing her everything she says she wants long term. Some people just can't control their "now" reflex. We as a society have such huge impulse control issues....

I think it's because I understand her position that I'm so forgiving of her lies.... I know her intentions are not to deceive but to keep me from hurting, mixed with a dose of youth and desire to be free and unrestricted. However I would rather have the truth, pain or not, than hold on to something I need to let go.

She wants her safety net, the security of me so that when this all blows up in her face she will still have her best friend and her amazing gf... what she's not thinking about is that what's burning our bridge isn't her wanting to date, it's her sugar coated white lies that will pour the cold water of reality over what embers were left in camp. I don't want to be around someone I can't trust, there's just no point.

Yet with all that said... something in me is still heartbroken and waiting... but I guess that all comes with the territory and I will figure out a way to break the last shreds of delicate fabric binding me to her and walk away from this all more experienced and one day... happy. At least that's what everyone keeps telling me.... we shall see.

Say Hello to High and Dry

Pitter patter

doesn't matter

Little feet and darkened streets

Where you go and where you've been

circles round and round again

Check and Mate

Oh how your square's gone straight

your sound is bound and chained to ground

same old story becomes so boring

We love so much deeper

so true to our keepers

in silent single files

waiting all the while

In faith and in hiding

sands dripping time abiding

making markers tags on skin

close the door then let me in

Push and pull dried and crumbled

life losses, loves little fumbles

cry your way to higher ground

in your tears you've begin to drown

Some will be broken broken

some will be bruised

mostly we are all simply confused

with no way out, no way in

circles round and round again

Plenty

I looked into your eyes
They told me plenty
I already knew
You never felt a thing
So soon forgotten all that you do

In more than words I
Tried to tell you
The more I tried I failed

I would not let myself believe
That you might stray
And I would stand by you
No matter what they'd say
I would have thought I'd be with you

Until my dying day
Until my dying day

I used to think my life
Was often empty
A lonely space to fill

You hurt me more than
I ever would have imagined
You made my world stand still
And in that stillness
There was a freedom
I never felt before

I would not let myself believe
That you might stray
And I would stand by you
No matter what they'd say
I would have thought
I'd be with you

Until my dying day
Until my dying day