Clumsy on the Wall

Alexandra Slate- Clumsy on the Wall

Play your records on my tv set
wrote me letters on the phone
well I drank a thousand miles of highway
just have you fly me home

and I don't mind being this way
so I stay clumsy on the wall
I thought a million words I could say
but I knew you'd heard them all

and I know that you're using my time
sittin back in your good life
I'd rather not
but I'm
loosing my mind
and I
cant get out

I wont forgive myself for this one
I could've grabbed a little less
I waited patient for an hour
just to let my heart
rest

and I don't mind being this way
so I stay clumsy on the wall

and I know that you're using my time
sittin back in your good life
I'd rather not
but I'm
loosing my mind
and I
cant get out

and I know that you're using my time
sittin back in your good life
I'd rather not
but I'm
loosing my mind
and I know that you're using my time
sittin back in your good life
I'd rather not
but I'm
loosing my mind
and I
can't get out

Alexandra Slate

A little known artist named Alexandra slate... If you look her up most places only have the lyrics to one or maybe two of her songs. She's most known for a song she had on the Tomb Raider soundtrack called Bad Girl. That's where I fell in love with her voice, after much searching I found a copy of the only CD she's ever produced called Edge of a Girl, but there are so many of her songs that hit you right in the soft spot like this one called "Blinding the Universe" , I found her on Amazon.com, def worth looking up.

Blinding the Universe

What about her
What about his life
How bout every last one of the hurt
What would I say

You have let me down
I can't help but blame you for this ...curse
drowning in your world

you are
blinding the universe
and I still can't see
when you're
blinding the universe

Let me think through...this
let me have some time to myself
well it could be so damn easy without you
yet I can't seem to find someone else

You have let me down
I can't help but blame you for this ...curse
drowning in your world

you are
blinding the universe
and I still can't see
when you're
blinding the universe

You have let me down
I can't help but blame you for this ...curse
drowning in your world

you are
blinding the universe
and I still can't see
when you're
blinding the universe

Die Awake

When all of your walls
Fall to the ground
And the prettiest one
Makes its way around

Well don’t make a fool of yourself
Don’t be afraid to try something else
Cuz I saw it coming
You should’ve known

And I hope
That the madness stays
And I hope
That I die awake

Facing the need that I’m bound to
Stand on the feet that I want to
Facing the need that I’m bound to

Well taste a memory
Breath on my face
Sinking in honey
Holding your place

Well don’t make a fool of yourself
Don’t be afraid to try something else
Cuz I saw it coming
You should’ve known

And I hope that I die awake
Facing the need that I’m bound to
Stand on the feet that I want to
Facing the need that I’m bound to

And I hope
That I die awake

Well don’t make a fool of yourself
Don’t be afraid to try something else

And I hope that I die awake
And I hope that I die awake
Facing the need that I’m bound to
Stand on the feet that I want to
Facing the need that I’m bound to
Holding the greed that surrounds you

Bad Girl by Alexandra Slate

So I picked one up the other day
does that mean I'm a bad girl?
And if i take of all my clothes?
Well that makes me a bad girl

What if life itself goes to shit?
now that i've been pushed around
Well tell me something I don't know
'cause I've held off way too long now

And its not the way you hold me,
hold me responsible
I'm not who you think I am
Have I fooled the whole world?
Nobody knows
I'm a very,
very bad girl
(yeah i'm a bad girl)

So I wrote this song for sanity
and it tells me I'm naive
but if she heard this melody
she'd see me off with ease

And it's not the way you hold me
hold me responsible
I'm not who you think I am
Have I fooled the whole world?
Nobody knows (no oh) nobody knows
I'm a very, very bad girl(Oh I'm a bad girl)

And its not the way you hold me,
hold me responsible
I'm not who you think I am
Have I fooled the whole world?
Nobody knows, (no oh) nobody knows
Well theres no point in you believing,
I'm a saint when I'm deceiving
everybody thinks I'm someone else

I'm a very, very bad girl
Oh I'm a bad girl
I'm a bad girl
I'm a very, very bad girl.....

The Best of You

I really like this song, It tells a lot of how we can understand a persons view and also be bitter at the same time for the choices they make. While the emotions may conflict they coexist in what ends up being a chaos of abstract harmonies......

I've got another confession to make
I'm your fool
Everyone's got their chains to break
Holdin' you
Were you born to resist, or be abused?

Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?
Or are you gone and onto someone new?

I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn't have
But had no use

I was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again
But I'll break loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can't choose

I swear I'll never give in
I refuse
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith?
It's real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must confess
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith?
It's real, the pain you feel
The life, the love
You'd die to heal
The hope that starts
The broken hearts
You trust, you must confess

Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?

I've got another confession my friend
I'm no fool
I'm getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new

Were you born to resist, or be abused?
I swear I'll never give in, I refuse
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith?
It's real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must confess
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?

Baby did a bad bad thing

I've been giving her chance after chance to tell me the truth, to finally admit she wants to see other people. Deny deny deny.... She's scared, doesn't want to loose me but that's just the consequences that factor in to making those decisions. It's part of being an adult, you can't just make selfish choices because you want what you want when you want it, but then want to go back to everything the way it was. Sorry, but life just doesn't work that way.....

I've asked the same questions over and over, questions I already know the answer to.... not because I've assumed it or because he said she said, but because I've seen it in her own words to other people. Just remember every time you text someone you're relying on them deleting their inbox at some point to keep your secret secret.... a lot of people I know have phones that can hold thousands of messages, and break it into conversations so you can easily access the correspondence between them and one specific person.

I know it's not honorable of me to have picked up her phone and read the messages because I wanted proof I was being lied to... but it was the only way I knew how to get the answers I needed without putting my friend in the position of having to tell her truth for her and burn a bridge. And I wasn't getting anywhere with her, just more snow white pilings of one lie on top the next.

She's not a bad person... she just makes very poor impulse driven decisions that end up costing her everything she says she wants long term. Some people just can't control their "now" reflex. We as a society have such huge impulse control issues....

I think it's because I understand her position that I'm so forgiving of her lies.... I know her intentions are not to deceive but to keep me from hurting, mixed with a dose of youth and desire to be free and unrestricted. However I would rather have the truth, pain or not, than hold on to something I need to let go.

She wants her safety net, the security of me so that when this all blows up in her face she will still have her best friend and her amazing gf... what she's not thinking about is that what's burning our bridge isn't her wanting to date, it's her sugar coated white lies that will pour the cold water of reality over what embers were left in camp. I don't want to be around someone I can't trust, there's just no point.

Yet with all that said... something in me is still heartbroken and waiting... but I guess that all comes with the territory and I will figure out a way to break the last shreds of delicate fabric binding me to her and walk away from this all more experienced and one day... happy. At least that's what everyone keeps telling me.... we shall see.

Say Hello to High and Dry

Pitter patter

doesn't matter

Little feet and darkened streets

Where you go and where you've been

circles round and round again

Check and Mate

Oh how your square's gone straight

your sound is bound and chained to ground

same old story becomes so boring

We love so much deeper

so true to our keepers

in silent single files

waiting all the while

In faith and in hiding

sands dripping time abiding

making markers tags on skin

close the door then let me in

Push and pull dried and crumbled

life losses, loves little fumbles

cry your way to higher ground

in your tears you've begin to drown

Some will be broken broken

some will be bruised

mostly we are all simply confused

with no way out, no way in

circles round and round again